Chapter 1

‘Live a life as a monument to your soul.’ Ayn Rand

Each of us has a story to tell, and every story matters. We experience life from very different perspectives and we see, hear and feel those experiences through diverse values and beliefs; our own.

A memoir entwines the tiny threads of life through experience. It makes visible the invisible, creates new connections and with each thought and emotion, brings those connections to life.

Those who write their memoir, [or have someone write it for them] write for many different reasons. Perhaps they want to unearth a secret long since buried or put right a shameful past. For some, it’s about their search for personal meaning and identity; to gain insight into the past; provide a family legacy or simply learn more about family life.

When the last of my paternal uncle’s died in December 2022, my family experienced a great loss. At the time I realised we were also on the brink of losing something intrinsic; the opportunity to share memories created throughout our lives, and very soon there would be no-one around to tell our story. Stories such as – what it was like growing up in the sixties and seventies, our school and family life. So, I decided I would create a memoir of what life was like for me; for us, growing up during this time. The death of my maternal aunt three months later, only strengthened my resolve.

So, in February 2023, I cleared the decks, decluttered the house and my computer; shifted my mindset, sat down at my desk and wrote the title of my book ‘A Life of One’s Own.’ The plan being to write my memoir. I hope, as you read, it sparks a modicum of interest.

Whilst writing my memoir I held photographs and mementoes; spoke with family; shared moments with friends and colleagues, and awakened memories that were at best dormant. I brought to life the emotion; the joy; the suffering; the fun, and interwove those experiences to create this powerful story you are reading right now.

As I embarked on my journey, I was reminded of the day I opened the letter that was to provide me with the freedom I craved. Staring at my newly issued driving licence, I was looking at my passport to a new and exciting life and imagining a door opening to a new and longed for career in nursing.

A few weeks later I was to begin my three-year apprenticeship as a student nurse, which would end in my registration in March 1993. I remember thinking as I walked into the school of nursing with my 15 fellow colleagues – What personal journeys would I make? What paths would I follow? What anxieties and fears would I experience? What joys? What suffering? All of which, would add to ‘the rich tapestry of my life.’

My life as a nurse and nurse academic has brought with it a sense of fulfilment that many can only ever dream of. When writing my memoir, I achieved that often longed for moment, when I fully accepted that despite the many ups and downs; and there have been many, my life so far, had been all I could have hoped for, and perhaps more. Retirement when it came in 2023 brought with it an opportunity to do more; a lot more, not less.

The title of my memoir is based on the title of a book written by Virginia Woolf – ‘A Room of One’s Own’, in which she asserts, ‘a woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction’. Throughout my book and blogs, I assert a woman must have ‘a life of her own’ if she is to achieve all she is capable of being.

I thought it may be difficult finding enough material to fill my book, I need not have worried. Over the last few weeks and months I have been humbled by how family and friends have dug deep and willingly shared their stories to enable me to write my memoir; the way I need to write it.

As my husband Mike frequently reminds me, when his mum and dad died, he realised he could no longer ask the questions he still needed answers to. Don’t let this be you! Ask those questions; show an interest in the lives of your parents and grandparents, aunties, uncles and cousins; because sooner than you think, there will be no-one left to ask those questions of.

When writing a memoir, it’s always important to know why you want to write it. For me, it’s achieving a number of significant milestones in 2023. Becoming 60; retirement for the second time; reaching 30 years as a registered nurse and graduating from my second masters.

Compelling storytelling and memoir writing comes from experiencing the rich events of life. It’s about sharing a life, perhaps your own, perhaps others. It’s about sharing thoughts and emotions, entwining them within a story of family, love, pain and grief. To quote an adapted version of the work of Marshall Ganz who spearheaded Barack Obama’s field campaign – It’s a story of self; a story of us; a story of then, and a story of now.

 Writing my memoir, I experienced both a sense of pride and loss. A huge sense of disappointment, often in myself, and frequently asked the question, why didn’t I…? more times than I care to remember. When I look in the mirror, which Mike would say is often, what do I see? A 60 something with more years behind her than in front, or do I see a life full of experiences, enriched by the opportunities I’ve created and the things I’ve achieved? I’ll let you decide.