Chapter 20

‘Love recognises no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences; penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.’ Maya Angelou

I met Mike at the Magic 828 night at Elland Road on Friday 20th August 1999, just three weeks after my dad died. He was with his friends and I was with my very dear friend, also called Catherine. I was living in London at the time. I had a job at a Pharmaceutical Company as their Head Nurse, but soon came home. I just couldn’t bear to be away from my family. When we saw each other again, Mike asked me for my number and I wrote it in lipstick. I gave him the land-line number, rather than my mobile, as I was living with Catherine at the time. Didn’t know if he was a crank, did I? One day I got a phone call, which literally was going to change my life, in a very big way. The caller asked if he could speak to Cath and I said, which one. ‘Thank goodness’ he said ‘I’ve found you’. Knowing Mike, the way I do, this was probably quite a courageous thing to do at the time. He was clearly determined to find me. We got together very quickly after that.

I used to sleep at his house whilst on nights. It was much quieter where he lived. One day he came home from work and found my uniform on the floor, with me still in bed, and it absolutely reeked. Probably I did too. I had done a night shift in a care home and my colleague and I had literally gone from bed to bed, changing sheets all night. It was so bad, he sprayed it with deodorant or was it high powered detergent and as I didn’t have any other clothes with me, I had to put it back on to go home. I can still feel that uniform on my skin and remember the stench as I fastened it up. Mike probably burned the sheets. Although I don’t think it was love at first sight, something obviously clicked, because despite this unfortunate episode, he asked me to move in soon after. It has been a rocky relationship at times, and I did move out in April 2009, but we soon got back together, and I moved back home in January 2010. We perhaps needed that time to see what really mattered to us.

Mike didn’t want to get married again, having divorced from his first wife and mother to his two children, many years previous, and I accepted that. It did hurt at times, but we were in a stable relationship and we loved each other, so what did a piece of paper matter. However, in 2017, it was such a happy time that I challenged this continued reluctance to get married. He didn’t bat an eyelid, he just got down on one knee and I think he asked me to marry him, I was laughing that much I didn’t hear what he said, but I assume that’s what he did. And then I had to help him back up. Dodgy knees! We have been together (more or less) for 24 years in August, so I think; I hope, it’s for keeps. We married on September 7th 2018, my mum’s birthday. Our wedding was absolutely amazing.

I walked myself down the red carpeted aisle. I had considered asking a family member to do this, but in the end I realised if my dad couldn’t do it, then I didn’t want anyone else. And as I had the confidence to walk down the aisle on my own, I made the decision to do just that.

As I waited for the music to begin all nerves dissipated, if I’d had any. I had waited so long for this moment and now it was here. The manager had to start the music and then open the door. I should have walked in at the start of the music, so because of this delay I didn’t. I stood there thinking had he forgotten, then the door opened. I breathed a huge metaphorical sigh of relief. Our guests turned around and I heard someone say ‘oh she looks beautiful’. My spirits lifted. I had to wait for the cadence of the music to change, I needed to walk down the aisle to its tempo. I was ready. It changed. I set off.

My walk was slow in line with the music; my sway accentuated. My dress seemingly to float, as I walked down the aisle to meet my soon to be husband. It was planned meticulously. I stroked his cheek in a moment of sheer joy, love and contentment. I am about to marry my man. We were about to say I do. I looked into those blue petrified eyes and for a second, I wondered if I was doing the right thing. It passed. I smiled and we turned to face the registrar holding hands. We were not young; we were not in the first flush of youth. We were old, well at least older, wrinkles showing, smiles changed slightly by the vagaries of years passed. I knew I loved my husband and he loved me. I have always known. Always.

The guest numbers were a little lopsided though, for I have so many more immediate and extended family than Mike. Still no-one minded, and everyone got along just fine. Mike’s mum and dad, are no longer with us like so many of our family, so we created a memory table in honour of all those who had recently died. We didn’t want to leave anyone out.

Sadly, only a month before our wedding a very dear friend of mine, died at the young age of 42. We had worked together in a care home in 1999 and stayed friends ever since. When she was on duty, I always knew I was going to have a good night. I have lost two very close friends. My dear friend Brenda, who was also a nurse died in 2012, after a short illness. As I sat with her and held her hand, I knew I was losing someone very special. I love them both and miss them dearly.

When my grandma died in 1979, a school friend told me, she would never truly be far away from us and her death didn’t take away the fact, she was still my grandma. Wise words indeed from someone so young. When my thoughts are tinged with sadness, I remember those words.

Thank you, Debra, my dear school friend, you will probably never know what profound effect those words had on me then, and continue to have to this day.