Chapter 23

‘We each have a story we want to share with others. We just need to get on and do it.’ Catherine Best.

I couldn’t find any really great quotes, to front this chapter; so, I created my own. I hope you like it.

Perhaps one thing that most people come to notice about me, quite quickly once they get to know me better, is the number of jobs I’ve had and the number of experiences. Not life affirming travels around the world type of experiences just… well, experiences.

I used to feel uncomfortable at times, it looked like I couldn’t stick to anything and I frequently used to ask myself, Why did I have so many jobs? and Why was I so driven? And then I found a book in Borders, who remembers them? I thought all my birthdays had come at once when one was opened in the Birstall Retail Park, but it wasn’t meant to be. It went into administration in 2009, but long before it did, I came across a book called ‘What do you do when you want to do everything?’ The protagonist the author Barbara Sher described; was me. On reading I realised I wasn’t meant to sit within a neat little box, I wasn’t meant to stay in the same job, grow old and wither, but instead I was destined to be who I was, a Scanner. I didn’t know it until I picked up the book that day and somehow it all started to make sense.

I was a Scanner. Scanners according to Sher, love to read and write, fix and invent things, design projects, create businesses, cook and sing, create the perfect dinner party, and many many more things.

I love to read and write, create, design projects, present, write papers, dance and sing, although some wish I didn’t like the latter. I like to change jobs when I’m bored or when it loses its shine. If I’m not moving forward or developing the job, I move to where I can. If my learning can’t be developed, if my autonomy is threatened and if I’m getting frustrated I move on. If relationships become strained, I move on. I’m curious, always curious. If my curiosity is stifled, I move on. I scan for opportunities and believing in the law of attraction, these new opportunities quite often appear.

I’m not wired the way many are. There is always so much to learn, so much to do, explore and be involved in, that I expect the jigsaw will never be complete. Although I hope one day it will be; I am probably only kidding myself. I just don’t fit in that neat world of a jigsaw puzzle. I keep thinking I will eventually find that piece that tells me I’ve completed the jigsaw, achieved everything I set out to do, but I never will. When I realise that – perhaps then my life will be complete. I am always looking for the next challenge, the next opportunity. I become bored quickly. but that’s okay.

So, when I finally understood I simply wasn’t wired the way others are. When I finally realised it was people’s perceptions making me feel insecure about the way I lived my life, not me, I realised I was never going to change, because honestly I didn’t want to. It was then that I enjoyed being me.

But I’m not just any old Scanner, I’m a Master Scanner. [You don’t say]. I love taking on new challenges, I look forward to the struggles against my own limitations. Its exhilarating moving from ignorance to competence, I have little time because I take on new skills and don’t want to leave others behind, although I am learning to do this or at least learn how I can entwine old skills with new.

And the biggest thing I wish I could is to clone myself or not need sleep, so I could keep going, I also love teaching and coaching others, helping them to understand their full potential and I love being in the spotlight, you never guessed, did you? Getting respect, and applause. Yes, I love all of this. This is what Barbara Sher calls a Master Scanner. I do often wonder how I stayed in nursing, but I have had an eclectic career, learning and mastery helping me to feel confident in my abilities. And when I have this, I move on to master a new skill.

It takes courage to do something different, to push yourself hard, step out of comfort zones and into the unknown, to challenge and test personal limits. And that’s what I do. I don’t jump out of planes, climb mountains or travel to remote places, but to be honest, that aint what I want to do.

Although a long time ago, I had planned to undertake  training to work on the oil rigs as a medic. The money was good but I could have been the only woman there, or potentially the only medic on the rig. Although with the Piper Alpha disaster shouting at me loud and clear, and rattling through my ears I eventually decided against it. I would also have been terribly homesick and it can be very costly to bring someone back to shore. It wouldn’t have happened, not for homesickness. There have even been helicopter crashes taking workers back and forth so in the end probably best I kicked that idea into touch!

I had also thought about rural Australia and the flying doctors at one point even planning to go to a seminar in Manchester but trains were delayed and I didn’t get there, probably just as well. I was looking for adventure, but probably not that much.

And the older I got, the more intense my yearning to develop new skills became. Mike doesn’t get it, he just doesn’t understand why I want to spend money on courses that he sees won’t benefit me, perhaps you don’t?

I do take time out, but not much and not often. Sometimes I take on multiple tasks and I never turn down an opportunity. Sometimes a new idea simply pops into my head and I allow myself time to explore, others I just go for it.

Sometimes it can be a lonely place not being like others. Being asked why do you do it? why not have a rest? It can feel like I’m an alien, no one gets me. But those who do, I think just love me for it. ‘Don’t ever change’ my friend said, as she laughed at some hair brained idea I’m concocting.

There is a wonderful saying. Not all those who wander are lost. This suits me beautifully.

I am keen to start French lessons again. Being twice to Paris I adore walking through the French streets, looking at the wear and tear of the buildings, with its chipped alabaster stone, wondering whether the chips are caused by bullets meant for the freedom fighters or simply eroded by the progress of time.

I am also interested in calligraphy. This beautiful art form simply resonates with me. I never think I have a creative bone in my body, but people tell me I do. I don’t have to be perfect; I just have to achieve what I want and then move on.

I joined the U3A this year. The University of the 3rd Age. I can do all these things and more, by joining them. Even guitar lessons. Now that might be novel, but I’d best not sing. had I?